Breaking up with someone can be difficult; what you experience is a storage mixture of love and hate, mixed up with mental and emotional processes. Depending on the bond between you, a close break up can also feel like an existential loss that puts you into a state of crisis. It’s important to remember that this state is temporary, and after you have worked out the angles, you will feel happy again and stronger. Below are some breakup strategies to use at difficult times.
Ditch the Rosy Glasses
You might have spent a long time with your partner, or maybe the relationship was short but intense; it might be a common-law separation. Whatever its nature, the tendency with breaking-up is to focus on all the positive aspects of the time you spend together. This is one of the reasons breaking up is so difficult, but actually, it would be easier if you focused more on the reality of things. Your relationship was not perfect. You need to see it for what it was as much as possible.
Emotionally a breakup can feel like grieving. You have lost someone you once loved. On top of that, you may feel rejection and any number or related emotions based on the circumstances around the relationship ending. Although difficult, this breaks up experience can also be a time of learning and growing stronger. Go to your local bookstore or look online for self-help books. There are many excellent titles in the psychology and spirituality section. Choose the one that stands out to you the most; the will be the most relevant one to read.
Talk it Out
After a break up there is a tendency to deep dive into your own head about the cause and effect of what happened. It’s enough to make you go crazy – literally – and start talking to yourself in the empty flat. While this might be therapeutic to some people, it might be more constructive to talk it out with a friend. Communicating your thoughts and feelings to someone is challenging, but their feedback is valuable and should be considered. Don’t choose just anyone; try to talk to a close friend or a therapist.
Negotiate Your Feelings
A break up is a very reactive time. You are often stuck in your head and want to blame your partner for one reason or another. Emotions you might experience during this time include anger, frustration, sadness, and impulsiveness. It’s important to try and sit with these feelings and process them as they come up. Resist the tendency to act out, to misbehave, or even to change your appearance. The time for a new haircut or a new tattoo will come but not until you’ve healed emotionally.
Even if you’re not the journalist type picking up a pen and scribbling your thoughts and feelings following a significant break up is one way to process what happened. There will be so much going on in your head that organizing it to write it down can help to get things into perspective. There is also a tendency post break up to get online and bad mouth your ex on social media. Avoid this as it will likely backfire on you and won’t lead to healing. Go to your journal instead and let it all out.